My Secret Dream

273rd post

Before sleeping last night, I was reading tweets as usual. 'By the way, tvN's Star Hunt has extended its deadline to 9 Oct! ...'

That caught my eye and I cont' to read on, only to realise that tvN, Cube Ent (Beast, 4 Minute, G.NA) and some other company are looking for 10 finalists to take part in some Korean competition like Superstar K3, 2 from Singapore. Top 100 from each country will be chosen to go for local auditions and then the final 2.


Just two days ago, I watched a video of a female idol ( Minah ) my age being able to share the history of her fandom to her idol, Yunho ( DBSK ) who also appeared on the same show. She even got to perform a dance tribute for him, and with him ( and Changmin ). I was so so envious, and honestly, really happy as well, as though part of my dream came true.



It felt like, ah, so this isn't that far-fetched a dream.



I've liked watching dances since young, especially hip hop.

I love the strength the beats give me,
and it's a huge wow to me when people are able to grasp the beats accurately and perform their dances powerfully like Eunhyuk and Taemin. I love watching them dance, really.

It's only until I liked Kpop that I started learning those dances on my own. And it's actually these dances that shaped me to be more and more perfectionist.
In getting the exact moves, at the exact beats.

I believe a general / recommended guideline to your future job is what you enjoy doing ( in your free time ) cause I can't bear doing sth I don't enjoy for a living.

I thought about what is it that I enjoy doing. Apart from teaching, writing and reading, I truly like ( even look forward to ha ) learning Kpop dances and going Kbox ( haha ).


I thought about a lot of other stuff, the crazy imagination of going on KSJ, was almost ready to prepare for the video, until I spent the whole afternoon researching about the 2 Sporean JYP trainees' contract and lifestyle of a trainee. Found a thread of a ( possibly SM ) trainee answering queries even.


Those really made me go ah, better not.

I cannot imagine having to go to the gym daily. It's a physical thing that I cannot overcome with sheer perseverance given my chronic dermatitis ( sensitive skin condition ).
I cannot imagine being screamed at in dance rooms just because my hand is raised slightly lower. That will kill my interest in it.
I cannot imagine having training from 7am to 10pm daily.
I cannot imagine being forbidden to eat and drink after 7pm ( not even a single drop of water ) and cont' training.
I cannot imagine having someone follow me everywhere, including going to the toilet.
I cannot imagine having to train for 6 years without a guarantee of debuting.

Lastly, I don't think I can bear to let go of my freedom for such a long time.




I know writing all these sound crazy, but this is a secret dream of mine, haha.

If I'm a born healthy Korean, I'd most probably have chosen this route. I'd rather not have to go to school.

Oh wells, God, You've gotta let me meet the SJ boys and chat with them face to face in Heaven at least haha~