'Why is everyone leaving this earth'

264th post

Has been 4 months since I last posted sth, and this time round it's actually quite heavy, haha.

Just attended the wake of Yuwen's Mum. Honestly, I don't really know her, only seen her once and chatted a lil when we were having steamboat at her place. Somehow, it felt like her mum always looked at her with loving eyes. As in seriously, even when she smiled it gave me that kinda feel, you know when you say 慈祥.

And suddenly, she passed away with an unknown reason.

When I was affirming Yuwen during the previous camp, she cried and said she cries easily whenever people says such stuff to her cause she's a words person. As I thought about this, I wonder how bad it is for her right now as she thinks about what her mum said to her, what she said to her mum, the last words before she left all of a sudden.

After our Christian service, we stepped outside and as I looked back, I saw Yuwen's Dad stand beside the coffin, looking at her Mum.
It seemed he wanted to caress his wife, but the glass is in the way.

It seemed he wanted to show his love once again, but death is in the way.

It wasn't just a look; it was with longing,
regrets, inexpressible love.

Endearment.


Tears were welling up as I saw that.
I wonder, how painful is that.


Now I truly feel like telling my parents how much I love and appreciate them.


As I sat there, I thought, what if it's my mum instead. And I nearly teared immediately.
And at that moment, God reminded me that's how Yuwen's feeling right now. Or even worse.


I wanna bless her so much more, but due to lack of cash and income for this month, I'm hampered. But I'll bless her in a continuous manner. I wanna do so. It's probably the least that I can do.


Thought to myself, if it's my mum, I probably can't stop crying. I love her too much I guess. And reliance too. For support. And regrets, cause I've yet pampered her as much as I want to.

Dear God, please at least let me show my mummy how much I love her. Please let me treat her like how she treated me too, her favourite. And most importantly, please let her receive genuine salvation first. Please. God please. I promise to put in extra effort in doing my best in practising WWJD. Yet not to earn salvation, but a true regeneration